Free Bird
by D3athz-C4lling
Summary: Alfred, sick of being in school, plans to escape in an extravagant and unnecessary way with his friends. What he didn't expect was to involve Ivan and Yao as well. Warning: The people in this fic are trained professionals...do not try this at school.


**A/N: **This is what happens when I watch Ed, Edd, n' Eddy while listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd...yeah...Anyways, the first quarter of school is officially over and it's fall break now!

**Warnings: **None for the most part except for a bit of OOCness and a teeny, tiny bit of discrimination (I'm so sorry if it offends anyone). **Oh, and don't try this at school! (It won't work sadly)**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Hetalia, Ed, Edd, n' Eddy, the song "Free Bird" and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

* * *

It was just another day in Hetalia High, and Alfred Jones was dying in math class. He tried to concentrate, but lost interest almost as soon as the teacher uttered his first syllable and instead began to toss pencils into the ceiling. He was almost done completing a star when he realized he ran out of pencils. This made science class an even greater hell. His head flat on the desk, he waited until the next bell rang. When it was time for P.E., Alfred thought this was the perfect time to express his idea. Out on the field, some of the students were in line to do push-ups. With his two best friends on his sides, Kiku Honda and Matthew Williams, he said in a hushed voice in between each push-up "Hey, we're busting out of this joint,"

"What?" Matthew squeaked, almost falling flat on his face when his arms gave way from the words.

"Not so loud, you want the coach to hear?" Alfred glanced ahead where the man was standing, back faced toward them and watching the joggers.

"Alfred-san, normally I would agree with you on issues, but I do not think it is wise to leave while school is in session," Kiku spoke up.

"But Kiku, it's so _boring_," Alfred whined. Just then, the whistle blew to indicate that it was time to switch stations. The three of them hustling to the mats to do sit-ups now, the blond continued with his explanation. "Each and every class, it's the same thing everyday! Who needs this math mumbo-jumbo and science whats-nots,"

"But Alfred, there are harsh punishments if one gets caught ditching," Matthew retorted, struggling to do one sit-up. "It's not worth the risk,"

"That's right, what do we get out of leaving school a couple of hours earlier?" the Japanese asked curiously.

"Well…we get more time to ourselves," When both friends raised their eyebrow, requesting an explanation, Alfred's smile turned into a small smirk. "I mean think about it. With those extra hours, you can be reading your manga and watching your favorite anime, Kiku. Hell, you can watch and read as much as you want while listening to your Vocaloids. No teachers will be there to tell you otherwise. We can even stop by to get those salted salmons you love so much. Plus," Alfred directed this part of the explanation towards Matthew. "You won't have to strain yourself over P.E."

Kiku, surprisingly, grew fond of the idea. "Well, if you put it that way…"

"I don't think-"

The whistle blew again, Matthew not even being able to do one sit-up before moving onto the next activity – jogging. Alfred was hardly breaking a sweat over this whole discussion, while Kiku was showing signs of exhaustion. By the time they reached their second lap around the track, Matthew was heaving for breath.

"C'mon Matthew, you don't want the coach to yell at you now do you?" the Canadian could tell Alfred was enjoying this. The other two had to slow their pace to match that of Matthew's to even be in earshot of each other.

When the whistle blew again, it was time to lift weights. Bench pressing, Alfred watched in amusement as Matthew tried to lift the lightest dumbbells on the rack, his arms comically plummeting to the ground after he managed to lift them up halfway. And when the other blond couldn't pick the weights off the ground, Alfred looked at him expectantly. Blushing in embarrassment, Matthew finally conceded. "Okay…I'll-" Alfred slapped a hand over his mouth.

Moving Matthew to the side, it revealed a certain Chinese standing close behind the Canadian. "Uh, hey guys, nice weather we're having, aru," Wang Yao said nervously.

Alfred instantly grabbed Yao by the collar. "Who sent you?"

"That would be me~" Ivan Braginski loomed behind Yao.

"What do you want?" Alfred growled, letting go of the material of Yao's jersey.

"Why, the same thing you three want – out."

"And what makes you think I'll let you come along?" the American glared at the Russian.

"Well then, I'll have my friend Yao here tell on you guys," Ivan smiled menacingly.

Yao, for his part, backed away from Alfred and was raising his hands up defensively.

"You wouldn't dare…" the blond snarled.

"Try me, _comrade_," the last word sounded strained.

After a moment of tense silence, with Alfred and Ivan staring each other down, the American finally consented. "Fine! But if either of you two squeal, you're gonzo," he threatened.

"I'm glad we can finally agree on something," Ivan giggled.

"Prick."

"So, how are we going to get out of here, aru?" Yao interceded before the two broke out into another fight.

"Simple, we're going to build a plane to fly over the school fence!" Alfred proclaimed. Facing Kiku, he said "You're good at building things right? So it would be awesome if you're in charge of constructing the plane,"

"Wouldn't it be easier if we just climb over the fence when the security guards aren't looking?" Matthew interjected.

"And ruin the plot? Nay I say, we're doing it my way!" Alfred bellowed, despite some of the runners giving him strange looks.

"Very well, I will accept the task of building the aircraft…but we'll need many supplies," the Japanese bowed slightly.

"Kiku, can you please write down a list of materials you need? We can split them up among the four of us and meet you during lunch since that'll be the only time we can make our escape," Matthew offered a solution when Alfred had a blank expression on his face.

"Right…what he said,"

When the whistle blew one last time to indicate that class was over, the five dispersed, each with their own task to carry out.

In the cafeteria, Ivan took some utensils such as knives and forks when others weren't looking and hid them in his long coat. In his wood and auto shop classes, Alfred stole wood, metal, engines, and power tools. In cooking class, Yao took a few pots and pans. Matthew, because of his invisibility, had the most mobility and so helped the others transport the supplies to the rooftop, where Kiku was assembling them. By lunchtime, almost everything was gathered and each future-escapist made his way to the roof. To shake off suspicion from fellow classmates, teachers, and staffs on what they were doing, Yao set up dolls of themselves in public areas of the school. And although they all resembled a creepy cat character the Chinese adored so much, it seemed to work. After grabbing the last of the needed materials, Matthew was about to leave the classroom when a figure hovered over him.

"Oi, where do you think you're going with all that?" Arthur Kirkland, the school's hall monitor inquired.

"Eh? I…I need to bring these to the teacher's lounge," Matthew tried to lie, looking away from the Englishman when he said it.

"Is that so? Let me confirm that with the teachers fir-What the bloody hell?" the blond's world suddenly turned dark.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Arthur, you should be ashamed of yourself! What kind of hall monitor picks on an innocent student? Now if Matthew said he needed to bring the teachers something, then that's where he needs to be going." Alfred teasingly lectured Arthur while covering his eyes from behind.

"I was doing no such thing! Now get your bloody hands off me you git!"

While Alfred struggled with the Brit, he turned to Matthew and mouthed the word 'go'.

The Canadian, catching the word, nodded and slunk away to the staircase leading to the roof of the building.

A few minutes after, the American joined the rest of the crew who were helping to put the finishing touches on the makeshift aircraft.

"A-Alfred? How were you able to-"

"I gave him the slip after you left – he thinks I'm in the bathroom!" the blond cut Matthew off and gave him a wink. Looking at the creation on the rooftop, he exclaimed "Damn Kiku, this airplane is awesome! Can it really fly?"

"Well, I wasn't able to test it yet," he explained.

Somehow, the Japanese managed to weld the sheets of metal together to form the front and tail of the plane. The propeller, assembled by forks and spoons, looked quite convincing. As for the middle section, it was connected by planks of wood using wood glue. The wings of the plane were a hybrid of cardboard and remaining sheets of metal.

"Alright! Time to fly!"

X.X.X.X

Feliciano Vargas was strolling around the library when he saw a figure sitting on a chair with his nose in a book. Practically skipping in excitement now, he stuck a clipboard in front of the reader. "Ve, Alfred, I was hoping you'd sign this petition on serving pasta for school lunch everyday," the brunette cheerfully explained. "Wouldn't that be neat?"

The blond, apparently too into the airplane book he was reading, gave no verbal reply…and were those cat ears on his head?

"Alfred?" Feliciano bonked his head against the American's shoulder to get his attention, only to have Alfred's head roll off onto the ground. What looked like straw stemmed from the neck of the doll.

Silence lapsed over the two of them.

"Ve, are you alright?"

X.X.X.X

"What was that, aru?"

All the escapists looked up from their work when they heard a blaring siren go off in the school.

"We've been made!" Alfred screamed, scrambling towards the pilot seat and starting the engine.

"Wait Alfred-san, I have not been able to test its flying capability yet," Kiku cautioned, but hopped into the seat next to the American nonetheless.

"Too late for that now!"

After pulling the heavy stacks of textbooks that prevented the plane's wheels from moving, Ivan and Yao both grabbed seats behind the two already in the flying contraption.

"Wait for me, eh!" Matthew tried to get their attention, but ended up hanging on the side of the plane until he somehow managed to pull himself up into the seat at the very end of the plane with Yao's help.

The plane was gradually gaining speed as it approached the wooden ramp placed strategically near the edge of the building for easier takeoff. Before reaching the end of the plank, the two wheels of the plane left the ground and took off.

"Oh my god, Kiku! It's working! We're free!"

Every passenger was looking to his sides, admiring the view as well as the place over the steel fence – home. The escalating hope was short lived, however, for the plane was going lower to the ground than higher. They were only half-way towards the fence!

"Get back here you wankers!" all five of them heard a certain hall monitor hollering at them from below. Arthur was trying to run up to them on the ground.

"Kiku! What's going on?" Alfred bellowed at the person sitting next to him.

The Japanese quickly surveyed the land before answering. "We're losing altitude because we're carrying too much weight," he had to say in a slightly louder voice because of the roaring engine and continuous curses being thrown at them.

Both he and Alfred looked to the back where the others were seated.

Yao regarded them warily. "What, aru?"

Alfred quickly scanned the dashboard of the plane for the eject button. "No communists allowed," he pressed the red button. "Airline policy!"

The cardboard floor underneath Ivan and Yao opened up and the two tumbled onto the ground that was surprisingly not very far off.

Behind him, Alfred could hear the faint "Kol kol" from the Russian and an "Aiya!" from Yao.

With some of the weight lifted, the airplane once again began to hover off the ground and into the sky.

"Yes! We're gonna make it!"

"Alfred F. Jones! Land this plane immediately!"

"What's-huh?"

The remaining three escapists looked to the back of the plane, where a very angry Englishman was holding onto one of the tail pieces for dear life. Somehow, when the plane was low enough, Arthur used the heap consisting of Ivan and Yao as a launch pad to jump at the aircraft and climb into it. However, as it gained altitude, he was only able to grab onto the end of the airplane with his hands while the rest of his body dangled in midair.

"Holy crap!" Alfred almost lost control of the plane because of the invader. "Here Matthew, hit him with this!" he pulled a metal baseball bat out of nowhere and tossed it at the Canadian.

"Eh? Why me?"

"Because you're the one closest to him. Quick, hit him on the head before he gets any closer!"

"Please hurry, Matthew-san…we're still losing altitude because of him," Kiku tried his best not to sound so oppressing.

By now, the poor blond was whimpering, undecided on what to do. But time was not on his side. When he made a half-hearted swing at the hall monitor, he suffered whiplash because the airplane suddenly stopped moving forward. The group made it over the fence, but since Arthur was still hanging like a rag doll, his sweater vest got caught on a tree branch.

"You git! This is stretching my-!" Arthur squawked from the back.

"Damn it! Let go!"

"This does not bode well…"

"Maple…"

At that moment, the engine sputtered and died.

With nothing to keep the plane moving, the tree branch acted like a catapult and flung them back over the fence, straight at the school building. There was an epic explosion of what remained of the aircraft, and one by one, the survivors peeled off the plaque of the building that read "Hetalia High School". When all four bodies laid sprawled over the steps of the building, the bell rang – indicating that school was done for the day.

"Ve Ludwig! Let's go to my house to make pasta," Feliciano invited his friend while carelessly stepping on the mound of bodies.

"Well…if you insist…" the German replied and tried to make his way around instead.

"Hey! Don't invite that potato-bastard over to our house you idiot!" Feliciano's twin brother, Lovino Vargas, fumed at the two in front. He quickly trampled over the heap to begin his tirade.

"Don't forget the awesome me!" Gilbert Beilschmidt bounded over to the group, completely ignoring the groans from underneath his boots.

When nobody else decided to stomp on them, Alfred whined "See Matthew, told you we should've jumped the fence…"

The Canadian didn't even bother to argue. "Of course…what was I thinking eh…?"

* * *

**More A/N: **Yeah...I dislike math and science with a passion (it's probably because of the teachers -_-). That aside, I can just imagine Alfred and the others flying towards the sunset while the guitar rift of "Free Bird" is playing...it's just so fitting! I feel like a kid again, watching Ed, Edd, n' Eddy...they're so funny! And I feel as though they fit with Hetalia somehow...Oh, and at last, my first oneshot~ *does victory dance*


End file.
